We all have busy lives with deadlines and lots of demands. Yet why do some people remain calm and happy whilst others are bundles of stress? Here are 10 tips that can make all the difference!

1. Choose helpful thoughts

Our thoughts can be the most troublesome of all stressors in life. We create thoughts which often take us to past regrets and ‘failings’ and anxiety about the future hence negative emotions. Stress free living begins when you stop torturing yourself with what could, should or would have been and live in the present.

2. Set realistic goals

Ensure that your ‘to do list’ is realistic. When we set an unrealistic list of goals we create unnecessary stress and overwhelm in our lives. Reduce the number of ‘to do’ items in your life and you may just reduce the circuit overload.

3. Get enough sleep

Lack of sleep exacerbates the way we manage stress. Ensure you get enough sleep so that you are in a position to effectively deal with the stressors that come your way.

4. Schedule time to relax

With our busy lifestyles I frequently hear ‘I don’t have enough time’. Yet when we give ourselves time to relax, whether it is a run; yoga class or dinner with friends, we actually become more productive and effective. What can you schedule in this week?

5. Observe the real level of tension.

Sometimes we can put a lot of energy into something that doesn’t warrant the negative stress level we create for ourselves. When you feel yourself becoming stressed and tense, take a moment to step back from the situation and objectively look at the way you are reacting. Does the situation really validate your response?

6. Physical exercise

Exercise enhances overall health and wellbeing. Regular exercise boosts the immune system and helps prevent disease. It also improves mental health by managing stress and promoting positive self esteem.

7. Laugh

Laughter really is one of life’s best medicines. It strengthens your immune system, reduces stress and improves your intellectual performance. See the bright side of life and organise to see a funny film, spend time with friends or even try laughter therapy. You’ll wonder why you have wasted so many years being serious!

8. Know your boundaries

Learn to say no. In today’s busy world we are often constantly asked to be doing this and that. Assertive people are able to say no to those requests that will create more overload and stress.

9. Choose good company

Surround yourself with likeminded, positive and encouraging people who add to your health, enjoyment and happiness. Avoid those people that always focus on the negative and take your valuable energy away.

10. Breath

When we are stressed or anxious our breathing becomes shallow and fast. Awareness of your breathing is an excellent early-warning signal of tension. Concentrate on taking slow, deep breaths and hold for three seconds before breathing out again. By focusing on slowing the breath, you will begin to feel calmer before you know it!

Stress in inevitable! Learn your unique warning signs and practice preventative strategies so that you take charge of your life!

As we welcome a new decade, many people are dreaming and preparing for a year with a difference. The start of any year is often seen as an opportunity to set new goals or perhaps transfer last years goals onto the list for 2010.

We hope for changes in different areas of our life including relationships, work, health, spirituality and finances. The list of individual dreams and goals are as long and unique as the number of people living in the world today. For some it may be

finding their next meal whereas others are ready to take on the world.

Many of us focus on not achieving enough or have an often unrealistic list of goals. However, how often do you stop, just for a moment, to reflect on what you have achieved, what you have and what worked well?

I have always been someone with a lot of passion for life, believing that I could live until I was 1000 years old and never experience all the wonderful things the world has to offer. However, more often than not, I do or achieve something only to quickly move onto the next exciting experience.

Although I have experienced so much, I realise that I often move onto the next item, not truly appreciating, reflecting or being grateful for what I have actually done. I have to constantly remind myself that it is the journey not the destination that makes life special and rich

Today I wrote down my achievements, learnings and challenges during 2009. The process was an interesting insight into just how much I had achieved; the unique experiences, amazing connections with people and challenges that have given me additional resources that will prepare me, both personally and professionally, for the exciting year ahead.

Invest ten minutes in yourself and reflect on your 2009:

-          What have you learned this year?

-          Who has been an important part of your life (and let them know)

-          What has been fun and enjoyable?

-          What did you achieve?

-          What have been the wins professionally?

-          How have you developed personally?

-          What challenges have you overcome?

If you are like me, you will be pleasantly surprised by your discoveries. Life is always full of opportunities for learning and growth so set yourself a goal for 2010, achieve it then celebrate your success!

The good you find in others, is in you too.

The faults you find in others, are your faults too.

After all, to recognise something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.

The beauty you see around you, is your beauty.

The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are.

To change the world, you must change yourself.

To blame and complain will only make matters worse.

Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.

What you see in others, shows you yourself.

See the best in others and you will be your best.

Give to others. and you give to yourself.

Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.

Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love, and you will be loved.

Seek to understand, and you will be understood.

Listen, and your voice will be heard.

Teach, and you will learn.

Show your best face to the mirror,

and you will be happy with the face looking back at you.

Author unknown

Have you had that experience when something felt right; you knew that you had to do something or felt that you could trust someone but didn’t know why? When you feel strongly about something without a logical reason, that is your intuition or sometimes known as a “hunch” or “gut feel.”

Some believe that you have to be gifted with intuition however studies are showing that intuition is something that can developed. Yet why would you want to develop your intuition? Intuition helps you better understand what is right for yourself as well as being more sensitive to others. When you are better able to understand people, you create bonds, connections and relationships that are based on trust.

So would you like to learn some easy ways to start developing your intuition? Give these options a go and notice what changes you experience.

1. Meditation

Meditation allows you to get in touch with your higher self and find peace. In our busy worlds, our mind is often cluttered with endless thoughts that are often don’t support our success. When your mind and heart are cluttered there is no space or quiet to access your initiate intuition. Meditation practices can include mindfulness whilst doing household chores; a yoga class or taking notice of your breathing. These practices create greater self awareness.

2. Trust your feelings and first impressions.

Our first impressions are often based on intuition. For instance, have you meet someone you didn’t trust but weren’t sure why? This is your intuition communicating with you. Our first impressions often hold true yet we allow our thoughts to interfere and justify why we could be wrong. Trust your intuition.

3. Think positive!

What are you choosing to focus on? Do you see the current economic times as overwhelming, devastating and hopeless or do you choose to view the current events as a great opportunity to create wealth and success? When your mind is full of worries, fears and self doubt, you block your intuition. If you chose to be positive and optimistic, you attract good things into your life and are in a better position to notice opportunities. Think positive and allow your intuition to guide you.

4. Let go.

What does this mean? Sometimes when we try too hard for an answer or solution we block our natural intuition that is here to guide us to the right action. If there is a big decision you have to make, give yourself the gift of some quiet time so that your intuition can serve you. Meditation is the perfect vehicle to let go. When you listen to the voice within you, the answers that you need are available and waiting.

5. Choose to be happy!

Who doesn’t like being around happy people who always see the glass half full or better still full! Being happy and positive removes negative barriers that interfere with your intuition. Happiness attracts happiness, allowing your intuition to guide you in the direction that is right for you. If you choose to tap into your intuition, you are giving yourself the gift of being guided towards happiness and contentment.

Intuition is helpful, because sometimes it leads you to something that cannot be achieved otherwise. Many times I have tried so hard to find a solution or opportunity without success. However, now I know that giving myself the space and time in meditation, the answers come to be without work. My decisions are easier and I have greater confidence knowing that I am doing what is true and right for me. Develop intuition now and reap benefits you have never imagined.

Sometimes, our doubts, fears and insecurities can become overwhelming and make us wish that we were someone else who has ‘got it all together’. Having worked with thousands of people, I continually hear people say that other people are better than us and have more potential. The reality is that other people have self doubts yet do not necessarily share them, leading us to falsely believe that we are the only ones with fears!      

Interestingly, a person that appear to have it all together or are perceived as being confident have self doubt and fears too. If you could mind read for a moment, you may be surprised that someone who is ‘successful’ in your mind may have thoughts including ‘I hope I am doing my job well enough’; ‘I wish I could have a body like John’s’ or ‘I wish I had better social skills’.

We may look at a young entrepreneur believing that he has everything: money, success, friends and a great business. Yet in the privacy of his own home he wonders why his last girlfriend left him; wishes his nose was different shape or whether he is good enough to make the business succeed

Interesting isn’t it? We envy other people for appearing to have it all and admiring their wonderful lives. Meanwhile, they may look at us and wish they could trade places with us. When we don’t know or accept ourselves for who we truly are, we can tend to feel insecure in comparison to other people. We can suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in living our potential as we may not be good enough.

One key to self improvement is to learn more about ourselves by listening and talking to a trusted friend, coach or counsellor. When you can express yourself openly and honestly, you are able to get a better insight into yourself by asking questions like “Do you think I talk too much?”, “Do I seem arrogant?”, “What could I do to be more friendly when meeting new people?”. The process of self discovery creates greater self awareness and self improvement. Be curious and open your mind to learning more about who you truly are. After all isn’t it better to find out the truth sooner rather than later.

Be the role model that demonstrates self improvement makes us better people who can inspire other people so others want to follow our example. To create stable and loving relationships you must love yourself first. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have therefore self love is essential for all relationships to be fulfilling.

Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. Ditch those unhelpful thoughts that sabotage you and prevent you from getting the results you want in life. We all have unique qualities that can serve ourselves and others. However until we accept and better understand ourselves, our treasures will not be discovered.

Nobody is perfect. We sometimes wish we had better skills, personalities or bodies. Yet by focusing on what we don’t like we are forgetting all the good qualities and strengths that we possess. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy with our unique selves and inspire others just by being the REAL YOU.

What is success for you? For me it is more than wealth, titles and status. Success is ensuring that I am living true to my values and living my purpose in an authentic way. Success requires planning. The analogy of a map is useful for us to define the following details: origin, destination, vehicle, backpack, landmarks, and route.

Origin:  Who you are

A map has a starting point, where you begin. You can probably relate to conversations where people introduce themselves as a Mother, Teacher, Entrepreneur or Student. These ‘labels’ do not describe WHO the person is. To truly understand yourself and live authentically, have a close look at your values, beliefs, dreams, principles and purpose. Other than the titles that society labels us with, who are you really? To truly know who you are requires reflection on your life experiences, skills, strengths, weaknesses, interests and abilities to give you greater clarity to who you TRULY are. With over 20 years of introspection and now understanding who I truly am, I live by my top values of authenticity; health; connection & love; integrity; service & contribution and variety & learning. When I live true to my values I am true to myself rather than trying to be what I believe society or others want me to be. When you know who you are, you cannot help but experience internal peace.

Destination: A vision of who you want to be

“Who do you want to be?” This is your vision. To create your true vision, it is essential to first understand who you really are, what you value and what you stand for. With love and clarity in your heart and soul; you give yourself permission to live authentically, in line with your true values, dreams and purpose. If you hardly know yourself, then your vision and goals for the future would be unclear. Your destination includes all aspects of your being: the physical, emotional, psychological, intellectual, and spiritual. Based on my own journey of discovering who I truly am, my beliefs, values, and principles are sound and I do not sway from who I truly am no matter who I meet or my life circumstances. If you are living someone else’s expectations then you are cheating yourself of true contentment.

Vehicle: Your Mission

A vehicle is the means by which you can reach your destination. Sometimes it can be understood as your vocation in life. Again, your mission will not be clear until you have been through the process of understanding your true self, who you are authentically. For myself, my mission has grown and changed over the years, however it has always involved vocations that inspire people to see their true worth and create the life they truly deserve. Therefore, I have volunteered in Australia and internationally and currently work as a Psychologist and Personal Coach so people recognise their true value and live authentically. It was only once I was able to understand my authentic self and clearly describe my vision and mission that I could live a life with purpose, dedicated to serving others

Travel Bag: Your knowledge, skills, and attitude

When you travel, what are the essential items that you don’t leave home without? These travel ‘necessities’ that make your journey more enjoyable are also required to live your vision. For instance, what knowledge, mind set, skills, life experiences, conversations and attitudes are required for you to live your dreams? Life is a journey where every experience provides the opportunity for more learning if we choose to do so. I truly believe that everyone has the potential to gain the mind set, skills and attitudes necessary to live the life they desire. However it is the responsibility of the individual to choose personal development as no-one else is able to do this for us. On the journey there are measures of success and times where it is evident that we need a few more supplies in our travel bag. What is it that you need to add? For myself, I love learning each and every day via coaching, reading, great conversations, seminars and wonderful clients for which I am privileged to not only assist them on their journey but strengthen the understanding of myself.

Landmarks and Route: S.M.A.R.T. objectives

  Landmarks confirm if you are on the right track while the route determines the travel time. Thus, in planning your life, landmarks and a route are necessary to achieve your goals. Landmarks are considered measures of your success or sometimes the indicator that something needs to be tweaked. Measures must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound. I learnt the hard way by setting major landmarks at the same time and then wondered why I didn’t achieve what I set out to do! Therefore it is essential to set realistic goals that are challenging yet not impossible, as easy goals leave us bored whilst overly ambitious goals that are unobtainable in a given time frame can be disheartening.     

 Anticipate Turns, Detours, and challenges

The purpose of your life map is to minimise hasty and spur-of-the-moment decisions that can make you lose your way. There will always be challenges, detours and potholes in life. They are to be expected! The secret is developing the skills to overcome challenges and importantly the mindset to manage obstacles which are guaranteed when we are heading towards our goals. In life there are things that are beyond our influence as we can’t control other people or some events. Therefore see obstacles and challenges as an opportunity for personal and professional growth, knowing that overcoming the obstacle, gives you greater internal strength and ultimately success.

For you to ponder:

Who are you? What is your vision of who you want to be? What is your mission? What skills, knowledge, life experiences and attributes do you currently have and what do you need to learn? Do you have your clear goals written down? How are you prepared for the challenges that emerge when you are working towards your goals?

Each and every one of us has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody who can make a difference in this world. Who hasn’t dreamt about being the one who becomes the sports star or wins Australian Idol? Who hasn’t dreamed of travelling to your dream destination or writing the next best seller? And how many times have we dreamed of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships? Why is it that we feel that these opportunities are for someone else and not us? Whatever has been achieved before is possible for you!   

Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, for many people we allow our dreams to remain dreams rather than living that reality. Our aspirations are left on the shelf for another person to collect. Who aren’t you to be the one who shows other people that anything is possible?

I truly believe that every single person has gold and true potential to achieve their dreams. Why is it that instead of achieving our dreams we resign to the fact that we are not good enough, we don’t have the skills and experiences. Or we convince ourselves that we are not young enough, smart enough, rich enough or healthy enough to realise those dreams? Instead of experiencing the wonderful journey of becoming self actualised, we stay in our comfort zones, living from day-to-day and not achieving our dreams, desires and ambitions.

People overestimate what they can achieve in a year and underestimate what they can achieve in a lifetime. Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher and expect more of ourselves. What are you settling for?

The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. In my mind nothing is impossible! So many people focus on what they can’t achieve rather than HOW they can achieve a goal. People think I can’t do this; it’s too hard or impossible. We limit ourselves and keep ourselves safe when in reality we can achieve whatever we put our mind to if we are dedicated.

If everyone believed that their dreams are impossible there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment. What if Gandhi had decided it was too difficult to lead a nonviolent resistance against the British colonial rule? What if Roger Banister thought it was impossible to be the first man in history to run the mile in less than 4 minutes? What you focus is what you will get! Therefore believe that ‘I can achieve my dreams.’

If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to achieve what you dream is possible. Try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down 50 goals you want to achieve in your life. Think big and let your imagination run wild. Aim high and start working towards these goals little by little. Importantly, people who just dream towards a goal without action end up disappointed and disillusioned.

If you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities. What are your dreams?

Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to accomplish his or her dreams there has to be hard work and discipline. And create think-big dreams that may seem impossible to others.

So dream big and take action! Unless you get out of your comfort zone nothing will change. What you focus on is what you get so don’t get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you take more and more steps, you will begin to see that what seemed impossible has just become a little bit more possible!

I am going to ask you to do something that you may not consciously think about normally. What are the thoughts that fill your head? Would you label them as positive or negative? Whatever your answer, you have the power to create thoughts that are helpful and supportive so that you can live with optimism and create what you truly desire.

Our thoughts create our reality. They determine your feelings, attitude, mindset, outcomes and outlook on life. Not only does your attitude determine what you can and can’t create in your life, your attitude also affects anyone that you come into contact with.

Think about people you know who no matter what is happening, life is tough, hard, sad or hopeless. How do you feel when you are around these people? Now think of someone whom is optimistic, positive and sees a world of opportunities. How do you feel and what do you believe is possible when speaking to someone positive? Ultimately, it is you that determines whether you will have a positive or negative attitude.

Positive thoughts are invigorating and allow you to focus on what is possible in life. Not only do positive thoughts create positive feelings, actions and outcomes, your presence energises people you come into contact with. Conversely, negative thoughts create narrow thinking and exclude the endless opportunities that are available to you. Negative attitudes are draining for the people in your life and people are less likely to want to spend time with you.

A positive attitude attracts like minded positive people, creating greater energy and opportunities whereas a negative attitude repels positive people and attracts people that view life as negative. I know who I would rather be spending my time with!

Remember, what we focus on in life is what we get. What do you choose focus on? How do you view the world? Are you choosing to create a negative viewpoint of the world or one where you focus on positive things with gratitude?

Positive psychology studies shows that a positive attitude promotes better health; better relationships and greater success. Furthermore, a positive attitude is an effective tool for managing day to day challenges and stress.

A healthy self-image creates positive thinking. When you love the authentic you, life is more satisfying; you are more confident and self-assured. Consequently, others around you feel the same way. On the other hand, a negative attitude not only makes you feel bad about yourself but you make others feel the same way.

If you want a healthier outlook in life, work on having a positive attitude. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie; play with children, tell jokes, spend time with friends or do something that truly makes your heart sing. Doing what we love and enjoy in life promotes a positive experience of life.

You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Interestingly, studies show that a positive attitude can retard aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what’s not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

To grow spiritually in a world defined by power, money, and influence may seem like an impossible task! With the world changing so quickly, providing us with new conveniences almost every week, ‘success’ is often considered the acquisition of material items that instantly gratify and satisfy our physical needs. Consequently, our connection to something greater and concepts of self-worth and self-meaning are sometimes confused. You may have asked yourself how is it possible to experience balance when the material world asks one thing of us yet our spiritual selves crave something different?

TO GROW SPIRITUALLY – SELF REFLECTION.

Introspection goes beyond recalling day to day events. When you reflect on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and motivations, you give yourself the gift of greater self awareness. By regularly examining your experiences, decisions and relationships, you develop useful insights on your life goals, strengths and areas of improvement so that you better understand yourself. Like any skill, greater self awareness can be learned by anyone! However, the process does take courage and a willingness to understand the truths that lie within you. This process becomes very enjoyable with experience, as objective reflection can help you grow. So, be generous, forgive yourself and focus on the areas of you life you want to improve.

TO GROW SPIRITUALLY – DEVELOP YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL.

In Psychology, realising one’s full potential is to self-actualise. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. However to achieve self actualisation, each level of human needs must be satisfied before we can develop to the next level. For instance, only once you have achieved basic physiological needs can then you meet your emotional needs. This is the process of personal development to reach our true potential and live our purpose.

Every person has a purpose which incorporates our physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and intellectual potentials. When we understand who we truly are and know our purpose, we have something to look forward to which keeps us strong during trying times and challenges. When you choose to develop your true potential and have a clear vision, desired destination no matter what comes your way. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea.

TO GROW SPIRITUALLY – RECOGNISE INTERCONNECTION.

Religions stress the concept of our relatedness to all creation, live and inanimate. Thus you may have heard people call other people “brothers and sisters” despite not being a direct relation since deity-centred religions such as Christianity and Islam speak of the relationship between humans and a higher being. On the other hand, science links us to other living things through the evolution theory with relatedness between living and non-living things. Psychology views connectedness as a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow.

Whatever belief you have, recognition of your connection to all things provides more humility and respect for people, animals, plants, and things in nature. If we believe we are all connected then it is easier to appreciate everything around us.

Personal growth is a process that is possible because of our day-to-day experiences. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that there is something to learn from all our experiences. From the knowledge we gain about ourselves and others each and every day, further spiritual growth is made possible.

How do you develop your potential? Do you know your purpose and have you created a dream that makes life worthwhile? Do you enjoy the journey or are you simply marking off tasks along the way? What is your first step out of your comfort zone to live life to the fullest?